If at birth you don't succeed: my adventures with disaster and destiny

Introduction: ... well, why don't I start?

Oprah to nope-rah. What's in a N4me? ; How to win a television show ; Drivers ed in the Mars rover ; Comics without relief ; Who wants to smell a billionaire? ; How to lose a television show

Friends in search of benefits. Destiny in a red one-piece bathing suit ; I'll have a virgin Zachary ; Something to offend everyone ; Hope, salad, and breadsticks ; Barking up the wrong tree house ; With apologies to Gene Shalit

The learning curve of a late bloomer. Have a little faith ; The most magical life on Earth ; Game changer ; A wedding, two meat loaves, and a lobster funeral ; Grandma: the musical! ; The wurst and best of Berlin

Conclusion: thirty candles.